Question: Any ideas on what I can do to stop yelling at my child? I don't want to be remembered as the angry mom. And if I listen to myself I can understand why my youngster puts her hands over her ears when I get going. I want to stop shouting and yelling but it just seems to well happen happened so quickly.
When some people get angry they turn this anger inward and go quiet. And the anger burns inside and the people vent this anger outward. And often this comes out as yelling and shouting the words we use when yelling shouting or expressing frustration are often learned from our own parents and caregivers as we grew up.
As one parent one said to me when I opened my mouth to start I hear my mother’s words coming out. If we believe this to be true then it can also be true that we can change this pattern by finding other alternatives just like in the workshop on the alternative to say no to change this pattern. We will need the three components called
Awareness + Skills + Actions = Possibility
the ASAP formula or more fully expressed as A plus S plus A equals P, Awareness plus Skills plus Action equals the Possibility of whatever you want as you have already shared.
You Have The Awareness
You have the awareness of your shouting and actually have your child putting their hands over her ears to further point this out to you. So in the awareness area you will need to focus more on catching yourself before you get to the shouting stage. Once you have this awareness then you will need to increase your skills in being able to share describe or expressed what you’re feeling in a non-threatening way that facilitates cooperation opposed to instilling fear. I talked about this in the previous lesson on when you lose your temper and then it is really really helpful to practice this in front of another person like really roleplay you saying those words and feelings in this way you’re preparing yourself to be able to say this in the heat of the moment.