Question: "How to stop the my daughter's nagging? What do I do after the explanation. He says I know mom but I want to watch it tonight. And then he keeps nagging me about it. How do I respond.?"
1. Learn The Boundaries
This is another great question as this relates to the topic on the set you know boundaries and what to do when your boundaries are getting pushed all of the top combine combiners is worthy of a few courses on their own. Here are some pointers that will help children will learn to take boundaries as seriously as you take them if they learn that sometimes you give in and sometimes you don’t. Then they will keep pushing until they are clear if you will budge or not. And usually this has nothing to do with what you say or how loudly you say it. It has to do with their mental messages of your communication which reflect your clarity and decisiveness.
Sometimes when my wife feels nagged by our 9 year old she asks the 9 year old will you keep nagging like this with Robin and she says no because I know that when he says no he means that. But with you mom you have given so it’s worth a shot now. I wish it were as easy as that as there are a few things that I’m not even so clear and decisive on and I can feel the uncertain message being conveyed and as such.
The boundary is a bird of a gray area and therefore creates that nagging that you are referring to. When I get to that point where the nagging or the behavior is really getting to me I have had to learn how to share that so that the training gets the impact to me but not in a way that makes him feel bad or guilty or fearful.
Here is a graphic of that process of when you keep telling your child something until finally you've had enough and then you lose it.
At first we usually ask simply and politely please when you pack away now and she seems to have heard and agreed to do it. Then we take a few minutes later and nothing has been done so our frustration rises and as a result we say I told you to pack away and I don’t see anything being done. Why don’t you listen to me then when nothing further gets done we lose it. That does it go to your room and no more TV for you tonight nor tomorrow. Maybe that will teach you a lesson. When we are at this point of losing it we are so emotionally charged that we often say things we regret.
2.Listen To Your child To Save Your Relationship
But with understanding and the skills I teach, you can change that process and that your children hear your feelings in a way that actually gets them to take you seriously. I believe it really important our children get to hear and understand the impact their behavior has on us and on others but how we share this with them is equally important with our practice and skills and usually comes out as an angry shout or threat that actually does more damage and undermines the connectedness of their relationship.
3. Emotional Intelligence
The process requires increased levels of emotional intelligence and it’s all about managing your own emotions as well as using this as a powerful sharing point with your child. It’s about lining your intent with your assertiveness with your words. Then children get your message without you having to force it upon them.
4. Wear Their Shoes
The best way to explain this is for you to think back to your own school days. They would have been some teachers who when they walked into the room you kind of got a sense from them that you just don’t mess with this teacher not because they are threatening you but because of something deep inside like a deeper respect. It’s ironic that those teachers who came in threatening the students just aren’t the same back in the students seeing how they could make the life of that teacher really difficult. For me putting a boundary in place is not about tough love. As a parent it is my right and role to put in place the values and boundaries I believe are important and belong in my home. But how I put that in place is where the magic lies as it will either create a place of conflict or a place where we can feel respected and working together for all of our benefits. In the link section I have included some explanations of the three steps of setting effective boundaries and also what we do when a child says I don’t want to do what you tell me to do.