“My daughter keeps asking to sleep in our bed What should I do?”

“My daughter keeps asking to sleep in our bed What should I do?”

My daughter keeps asking to sleep in our bed What should I do. I've been having really great breakthroughs but maybe you can help me with this next situation. My daughter at age six keeps asking to come and sleep in our bed. Sometimes she just walks through in the middle of the night. How do we sort this out?

This is another great question and is a shared situation by many parents around the world and in my experience parents have such different views on sharing beds with youngsters. And when should a child sleep on they own throughout the whole night. If this is a similar situation you find yourself in. Then there are many different things you can try. Probably the most important question for you is first to determine how important is this for you and what are you willing to do to get her to sleep in her own bed. 

In other words the clearer you are on how important it is for her to sleep in her own bed the more powerful your communication will be to her. And this has nothing to do with that allowed or firm voice or you not being kind or considerate. It’s got to do with the clarity of our message to her. But here are two interesting things that you can consider and see how it helps. The first is understanding that she needs something from you in this or there is something of value for her in doing this with you in our family. Kaylan age 6 at that time always wanted to come through to our bed and kept nagging and begging us all the time and no matter how much we reasoned with her it just seemed to get worse. Then we figured out that if we could give her what she wanted but on our terms and on our timeline then that might work. So we say to her that every Saturday night she could come and sleep in our room on a mattress like a ritual of sorts. She loved that idea because she now knew that every week she was going to get what she wanted and she never bagged us again about it. 

And she is now 10 years old and we all loved the special Saturday nights together. But remember that we were OK with this and this doesn’t mean that other parents will be fine. Now the solution may not work for you but there may be other things your daughter is needing or feeling that should also be considered. So what I’m getting to in this is for you to try and see what your daughter is needing from you and then see how you can consciously give her those on your terms. So she doesn’t have to spend her time and energy fighting for it. Once your daughter gets that you are also trying to make it work for her. Her levels of cooperation will increase. 

I share a lot about our personal experience of getting Karen to go to sleep on her own when she was younger. We spent a lot of time finding ways to make her feel that she was part of the solution and not just the problem as such we created some amazing models to support us which we share in our courts and star charts things like the perseverance model and the consistency model all of these models are designed to support and motivate behaviour change opposed to blame and make that child feel guilty. And in that course we show you how to cleverly avoid using bribes rewards or corrupt manipulation. Look for the links to my blog where she is more about using these models to help change the sleeping patterns.



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