Time out with kids has been the question of modern parents and not much of it has been written. Some parents take it seriously and some let their little one do whatever they wish. Below you will get to know more about this in detail.
As far as I’ve understood it the idea is that the kid needs to sit still. Also the kid and is asked to reflect on the unwanted behavior. This happens for a specific time. I wonder what your take is on this. For me it sounds like it could easily be seen as punishment and that kids feel resentful instead of learning something. So would you consider such a time out with kids technique?
Is that a viable strategy? Not this is such a great question and a personal one. As well as I can recall my parents sending me to my room to reflect on my bad behavior. When you ask anyone not only your child to go and think and reflect on what they have done the chances are they’re going to think about how to get revenge and make you pay. At least that is what I did as a teenager when I was in my room. I was trying to think about how I was going to run away or make my brother pay.
And as a teacher when I see children told majorly I can see the deep anger in their faces. This can happen with as young as 5 years old. They sit there and you can see their thoughts going to payback instead of ownership and responsibility.
Let’s learn something Positive
I have studied the effect of bedtime stories on children in detail. It can surely be an ice breaker. Stories creates a serious bond with your loved ones. And this can make you and your child on the same page.
My definition of punishment is the giving of something negative or the taking away of something positive. Meaning, giving the child something they don’t want like smack or timeout or taking away things that they like. These include things like toys or special food or special treats in the context of the parents’ question above. Time are chairs and time outs bases. Do the same thing we are giving the children something negative.
We get them to sit in a chair and try and make them feel embarrassed or single them out as being naughty or get them to stay while you do other nice things and they miss out. And we do this all in the effort to get them to change the behavior. So for me, the use of the technique of time or chairs or the naughty corner falls into the same category as that of an external threat. In other words, we are hoping that an external threat is going to motivate a change of internal behavior.
So what’s the solution?
Try to make your child more self less. Read out more self-less stories to your little one. We have found that when a child decides for themselves that they want to modify their own behavior. This happens especially when it comes quickly and without resentment. So my approach uses the concept of aligning natural consequences with what the child experience as opposed to imposed consequences to find the natural consequences of that behavior. Ask yourself the following question What would be the likely result if that behavior was continued.
In other words, if your child keeps cheating in a game that you are playing with then what with the natural consequence be if he kept cheating the most likely answer. If you keep cheating the game then I won’t enjoy this so I will choose not to play with you anymore. So when your child keeps hitting you well then I assume you would not want to stay around them anymore and impose consequence has you put in place something that has little or nothing to do with their behavior.
Moreover, if you keep cheating in the game then no more ice cream for you tonight. In other words, what does ice cream for dinner have to do with the behavior of cheating? The same can be said when we say no more TV for you tonight if you keep fighting the imposed consequence is usually our way to strategically get back at our children while still making us believe that we are doing this for their own good. I have a whole workshop series on how to move away from punishment to the intelligent techniques of guidance and discipline.
Emotions under control
These skills can really change the hurt and the damage of punishment while still making sure your boundaries are kept and respected at the same time there is a situation where I use a timeout. If any of us are getting too emotional and need some time to collect ourselves then we call a timeout. If we find that our emotions are pulling us into saying things that are meant to hurt or undermine then a timeout is needed to help us get back on track to resolve an issue we can keep fueling our anger by staying in the fight or instead use it to guide us in working through what is not working for us. It’s a decision we make each and every day.
Emotional Intelligence as a role play in Time out with Kids Strategy
Also, this is the work of emotional intelligence in these situations. I would say something like I’m getting really angry at the moment and I need time to calm down. Then come back and we can carry on trying to see how to make this work. If it’s my daughter and I can see she’s getting too emotional then I will say this. “Looks like that we are beginning to say things that we don’t really mean. ” How about we each take some time to do something else? Then let’s come back and keep talking about this so that we can make it work for both of us”. For my family, we are motivated to work through our situation as to ignore the situations don’t work. Also, emotional intelligence is the key to us working through these situations.
I hope I was able to clear some of the doubts regarding time out with kids as a strategy in the article above.